Mentoring: as the Mentee

Why you should find a mentor

Organizations are no longer managing employee’s careers. Each one of is responsible for our own path.
Finding a mentor helps achieving goals by learning from their knowledge, experience, mistakes, failures and successes.

The world would have looked different without some of the famous mentorships, such as Warren Buffet and Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, Pablo Picasso and Salvador Dalí, Marie Curie and Lise Meitner and more.

Socrates mentoring Plato

Characteristics of mentoring

• Done in a 1:1 setting
• Is about long term goals (e.g. 2–5 years)
• Strategic, to achieve holistic career goals
  > Not too generic like help with life
  > Not a specific skill like how to conduct 1:1 with direct reports
  > Not tactics, like getting a promotion
• Usually not by the manager
• Lasts from a few weeks or months up to 3 years, as strategies change, people change and move, etc.
• Examples: become a CFO, become a public speaker

Your ideal mentor

• Someone you admire — will help overcome hardships along the way
• Someone you believe can help you achieve your goals
• A single mentor (for a specific area) at a time for focus and consistency
• Any gender, diversity group or age
• Time zone and language are not a barrier
• Preferably outside of work
  > Information, plans and decisions might affect the relationship and outcome
  > Departure from the company would likely end the mentoring prematurely
  > Exception: big companies and no work or reporting relations now or in the near future
  > Big companies may offer mentoring programs which try to best match mentors and mentees with constraints. Verify that the pairing meets your wishes

Before starting

Identify your goals

Goals are the gap between the current reality and the desired future state.
To help with identifying them, you can think of

• Your internal motivation, what you would love do to even if no one knew about it, which is in contrast to external motivation, such as social status, pay or a certificate — these last much shorter
• The parts of the job bring you joy and energy while you excel them
• People you admire
• Ask you manager
• Get inspired by books, blogs, talks, meetups an thought leaders in the industry

Know for yourself and be able to articulate why these are your goals, you are likely to be asked about it.

Where to find a mentor

• Someone you already know from current or previous work, community, events
• Someone you follow on social media or podcasts
• Attend industry-related events, conferences, workshops, and seminars. These gatherings often provide opportunities to meet experienced professionals
• Join professional organizations in your field to connect with individuals who have relevant experience
• Online platforms such as LinkedIn or professional forums
• Alumni networks, either reach out to alumni who are established in your field or they may offer official mentoring programs
• Some companies offer formal mentoring programs for employees. If not, consider suggesting to implement or do a pilot
• Look for local community organizations or non-profits related to your field. Volunteering or participating in these organizations can help you build relationships with experienced professionals
• Engage with professionals on social media platforms like Twitter or LinkedIn. Participate in discussions and share insights to establish connections
• Ask friends, family, or colleagues if they know someone who could serve as a mentor to you
• If there’s a specific individual you admire and would like to learn from, don’t hesitate to reach out to them directly via email or LinkedIn
• Look for formal mentorship programs offered by educational institutions, professional organizations, or mentorship-focused organizations

Ask the potential mentor

A face to face meeting is much more effective than an email or a LinkedIn message.

Yet, to get to this meeting, you’d need to request it.
Explain that you want to meet in order to formally ask for mentorship — this can be done via email or other media.

Formal request meeting

• If meeting online, make sure you’re technically ready with sound and video, quiet environment and good lighting
• If meeting in the real world, make it easy for the mentor — come to them, on a time that is convenient to them and pay for the coffee or lunch
• Be on time
• Start with the direct request, along the lines of “I admire you and would be happy if you could be my mentor for the next year” (be prepared to explain what you admire). The time may change according to the situation, but is important to set the expectations.
• Explain your goals, the current situation and be prepared with your resume and projects you did
• In case of a “no”, than them and ask if there is someone else who they think could fit

Agreeing

During the formal meeting or in a next one, come to understanding, or an agreement

• Make sure both you and the mentor have the time, energy and dedication
• Decide on the initial frequency and duration of meeting, e.g. one hour every three months — balance between having a meaningful relationship and the burden, as well as the medium (face to face, online, phone, etc.)
• Set ground rules like showing up on time and preparing on both sides
• Discuss the achievable goals and how we know we succeeded (as with most goals, subjective feelings are debatable and less useful)
• Terms of breaking up the mentorship, either with successful completion or failures to prepare and execute
• The mentor may give assignments, introduce you to others, ask for data of professional and of personal nature. Cooperate and don’t hold back, share as much as possible because they might impact the goals and the way to achieve them.
• The mentor may connect you to other experts on various topics

During mentorship

• The burden of scheduling is on you, the mentee, including sharing the agenda
• You come to them, don’t ask them to travel to you, respect their time
• Don’t hold cards close to the chest, be open about the situation and dynamics inside at outside of work (this is another reason a mentor is better outside of work)
• Receive feedback, do not justify or argue
• Stick to the agreed cadence and medium, don’t turn it into a burden by calling and emailing more
• Keep it focused on strategy, not on tactics. For example, instead of asking how much raise you should get, ask how can you bring more value.
• You can ask tactical things here and there, like a plan for change, but don’t just send it over and ask for feedback, try to gain a broader view
• Come prepared, do the homework, cooperate, follow up. If you cannot for any reason, let them know in advance
• Proactively give updates, for example how the change you were leading went, what reactions arose and what you learned from it, as well as on overall progress toward the goals
• Request feedback and guidance — it’s not just a chat. If this fails, stop the mentoring
• Remember it’s an investment in your future. You are investing as well as your mentor, so show appreciation, for example a dinner for the mentor and their spouse.

After mentorship

Ideally the mentorship was successful, and you have made a big progress toward your goals.

Besides thanking and being generally reciprocative toward your mentor, you could consider

• Updating every now and then, e.g. once per year, on very high level. Most mentors are curious about their former mentees and would love to get brief updates.
• Mentoring others — you have experienced being a mentee and accomplished your goals. Could you now help growing others?

Resources

Visit Manager Tools and Career Tools for extensive actionable guidance on the topic or mentoring and much more.

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